Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Nick Tries Cyber-Sex, Fails Miserably

Ok so a while back I'm chillin at home, and get a message on Yahoo for some hey I'm horny let's fuck crap. Normally I ignore them, but I figured this time I'd give it a shot and see what happens. Dirty whores have to do something to feed their bastard kids right? Yeah not so much. Why do I have to get the noob net-whore with ADHD?

The top line or two of the chat log is missing since it started in an offline message cause I was AFK for a bit.

Nick: and you would be?
coolcamladie547896 : hpld on a minute. be right back
coolcamladie547896 : ok im back. sorry boit that. still there?
Nick: yep
coolcamladie547896 : oh your tthere hi...
Nick: how goes it?
coolcamladie547896 : a/s/l (age sex location))?
Nick: 26/m/tx
Nick: u?
coolcamladie547896 : im 27/f/USA. was lookin at your profile. thought you might like to chat.
coolcamladie547896 : so what have you been up to mentallyproovoked?
Nick: work...just got home..u?
coolcamladie547896 : cool. i was just hangin out wwatching tv. i was getting kinda horny (*blushes)
coolcamladie547896 : oh no not work... thats a 4 letter word yoou know..
Nick: sounds like fun
Nick: ummm...well...gotta pay bills
coolcamladie547896 : feel like a lottle cyber fun with me ? please please...
coolcamladie547896 : lol. the website is just something i do to make ends meet. theres lots of free lics on there anyway.
Nick: what site
coolcamladie547896 : i think ill just take that as a yes... being as that imm starting to get real horny here.. lol ok?
Nick: what website are you talkin about?
coolcamladie547896 : alright how bout i get down oon my knees in front of you and help you out of your pants?
Nick: i hate repeating myself
coolcamladie547896 : tell me what you want me to do with you while i slip out of my panties
Nick: run a train for a pack of pigmes that only have 3 toes on each foot and wear hard hats.....and they must have purple hair......while pleasing all of them at once, you must yell out yes daddy i want to live in walla walla land and eat marshmallows while i play in the tulips
Nick: can this be arranged or is it a bit too rough for ya?
Nick: oh and i wont participate.......i dont fuck midgets......ill just let you do it since youre a dirty whore with no life
Nick: deal?
Nick: if so ill join your little site so you can pay your electric and diapers for your 10 crack babies
Nick: hmmmmm...guess i dont make you horny anymore..........

Personally I thought the midget idea was kinda hot.

Greatest Bill Collection EVER

No need to commentate this one, it totally speaks for itself.....
Click the thumbnail for the full image

Sunday, November 23, 2008

So Close to Freedom

Ok so I'm still at work riding out this last 45min to the day, and I'm seriously stoked. Knock out Monday, and I've got myself a 3 day weekend. Ok, well it's not technically a 3 day "weekend" seeing as it's Tue-Thur, but fuck it....close enough. I've been so overworked between the job and outside crap the last few weeks that I need some good time off. I think I might even turn my phone off to piss off my boss. No email or texts....oh my!

I'm still not real fond of having to come back to Black Friday hours, but piss on it. It'll be worth it. Ok, so even better......I'm down to 41min at this point! Yes, I am losing it. I'm so damn bored it's unheard of. There isn't shit to do right now. I just completed the agonizing and difficult task of reloading Windows on a PC. And yes, I'm lazy and cheat, so I used the recovery partition. I know I'm terrible.

Technically I could work on this other system that came in, but fuck it's late coming in and I wouldn't get much done. Besides, the guy is a douchebag and always tries to get freebies out of us. He can wait.

I think the smartest thing I eve did was start taking my laptop to work. I at least retain some sanity this way.....

Damn You Black Friday

Ok, so I'm really not anticipating this at all. AT ALL. Whoever thought of the whole Black Friday, and then thought it was a good idea, needs to be punched in the face. Yeah, it's good for business cause we sell so much shit, but give us a fucking break.

Let me give a little perspective of the employee to the customer, so perhaps you'll get some kind of clue to things before you walk in. Despite how much we try to smile, we do NOT like this day.
The hours absolutely suck. We have to get here at like 3am. Translation, I go to bed around 4-5pm the previous day, and Thanksgiving is shot unless I get it all done noon the previous day. We get the pleasure of pulling into the parking lot to a huge line of people already griping.
Let me make one thing totally clear. YOU are the dumbass who decided to camp our overnite for the sales. Don't gett pissy with us.
So we go in, make the last minute rounds, then go outside to start handing out vouchers for sale items. Let me make one thing clear. Not all the customers are total douchebags. There are some really cool ones that make the day better. However there are plenty that seem to think their inconvenience of being in line is our issue. However, I'm a reasonable man. I'll be compassionate to your cause while I stand inside a warm building, and you're freezing outside to the point of your balls shrinking so much you change your name to Jose Canseco.
Ok, so we finally open the doors. The cattle come herding in and of course they have to be counted off and limited capacity so to stay in fire code. Then people get pissed at that. What....would you like us to fill over building capacity so the fire marshall can come shut us down? Great idea, then we all get kicked out and eveyone wasted their night.
It's at this point that I'm really greatful for the cool people that come in. No one really likes the whole situation, but regardless, we're all stuck in it somehow. Do yourselves a favor, and don't stand there bitching to me about having to stand in line for an hour to check out. I'm in this building from 3a-10p you asshole!!!
Fuck you, fuck your $300 cheap shit desktop, and fuck your $50 GPS unit. Fuck you in the goat ass. You are the worst thing about this pain in the ass of a day, and things could go so much easie for us all if you would shut your trap.
But on a positive note, thanks to all the people who do try to stay positive. You guys fucking rock!!!!
And just to give you a sample of the insanity in case you've never been there for a Black Friday, here's a little video shot a year or two ago of when they unlock the doors

Friday, November 21, 2008

I Hate You Sprint

You get my hopes up with your promises of text messaging, mobile web browsing, smart phone technology, and a great customer experience....and then you crush them all!!

Is it too much to ask that I send or receive a fucking text message within a reasonable amount of time?? Here I am trying to relay messages to my Save the Children advocates, and you're killing me here. There are poor starving pot-bellied Ethiopian kids that I could be shipping Snickers bars to (for a tax write-off), and you're cutting off my communications and methods of doing so. They're starving.......poor kids.......you're starving them!! I'm trying to fulfill my duties as a fucking humanitarian here.

I can't even get the simplest pleasures in life like reading ESPN while I crap! What kind of monsters are you? How is a man supposed to survive with no bathroom reading material??? It completely eliminates the balance and tranquility that someone deserves.
Hey I know, I'll call someone instead! I don't actually call people that much anymore, as I seem to be akwardly addicted to texting now instead. I guess 4 years on the phones at that shithole of Dell burned me when it comes to hearing a human voice over a phone. Ok, so well the phone call thing was the idea I was working on, until I walk outside to try this undisturbed and realize I have no signal at all. WTF!?!?! I'm in the happy part of your coverage map. I've looked at it in person! How is it I stand outside in the middle of town and there isn't shit for bars?
Dammit I wish my service plan wasn't so cheap. I'm gonna beg the Verizon lady to try and hook me up tomorrow.

Ask a PC Tech!

So I've been in this business for a pretty good while now, years to be exact, and I've run across a host of completely idiotic, dumb shit questions in my days. I figured I'd share some with you, and will probably make this a recurring thing. So let's get started....
"Why isn't my wireless mouse connected to the computer?"
Aren't cables always sold seperately?

"Can you reset the Internet for me?"
Absolutely! Let me call Al Gore real quick to get that handled. I have him on speed dial.

"If I put in a PSone game in my PS2, will it make it looks like PS2 graphics? Why not?!"
Because you have to buy an Atari to do that. Everyone knows that!!

"I filled in the form. Do I click on 'Continue' or 'Cancel' at the bottom?"
Well...that's a hard one.

"It says my password has a capital and a number. Does it need a capital number?"
You're so smart. Of course it does. Here's your cookie = )

"What do I need to do to add more jiggabytes to my computer?"
Ummmmmm.......call Jay-Z?

I hate all of you...................

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It's Time to Re-Introduce Myself....

Ok, so I kind of forgot this blog was here. I guess I got a bit bored with it, and just kind of blew it off. I just happened to be tinkering around with my stuff attached to my Gmail account and saw it. As I sat here tonight watching CSI and the news, I pondered doing something with it, and if so, what?

So after sitting here bored off my ass learning about inbreeders in Ecuador who make midget babies with cancer, I decided why not do something. That something NOT being one of those Sally Struthers charities for the midgets...I meant do something with the blog.

So I thought to myself.....self....what should I do with it? Various options of subjects to choose from. I've finally decided fuck it, I'll just talk about my life. Yeah hi, I'm the asshole who fixes your computer.

I'm the one who watches you cry in the middle of the store about how important your computer is and how badly you have to have it back immediately, despite the fact I have 7 other systems to fix that came in before yours. I'm the guy who has to listen to you bitch because you're the idiot who got some virus that trashed your whole system, and now you realize the value of backing up after you lose your kids baby pictures and I can't recover them. I'm the one who gets to play CSI and try to figure out how you trashed your computer while you swear innocence.

It honestly amazes me what people do to their computers.

I'm also the guy who gets an honest perspective for the new electronics out when I get a chance to tinker with them. I'm the one people ask for honesty seeing as they aren't sent to me for reviews as part of an advertising deal. And hell if they were, I'd probably still talk shitty about them if I didn't like them cause I could care less anyways.

So what do I do exactly you ask? I work at Circuit City. I'm the one who runs PC repairs. Overall, it's a pretty kick ass job. I get paid to fix computers basically, and I meet some really cool people along the way. I also meet alot of douchebags in the process. Of course, that's to be expected. Despite those douchebags, my job rocks and I wouldn't give it up for shit. I've been there for a little over a year now. Before that, I pulled a 4 year stint at Dell. Learned a good bit there, made a nice amount of cash, and realized you can run a big company with a shitload of monkeys and still stay in business.

So yes, this will be my ranting. Yes, this will be me mocking every idiot I run across. Hell for fun I'll even occasionally bitch about electronics I don't like for that whole professional review angle I've been working on. Oh, and if it's an Apple product, I'll automatically hate it.

Now this won't be just technology, but alot of content will be technology related in one way or another. Hell my life revolves around it, even simple shit like me complaining about work. But actually I'm pretty good at bitching at just about everything, so I'll make sure there's definite variety. = )