Thursday, December 18, 2008

Holy Fucking Gobstopper Buttplugs....

Ok so I just got home from work, and DK was sitting around playing Warcraft and watching some shit on TV. Anyways, whatever show that's on ends, and the original version of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory comes on. Not normally what I'd watch, but it's a half-ass amusing movie so I figured I'd watch it while I fuck around online.

Fucking dirty shitballs....this movie is NOTHING like I remember it when I was a kid. So in watching this disturbing story of bullshit, I've learned a few things.

First, poor people are not only dillusional, but completely fucking retarted. You're fucking poor, so fucking deal with it. Don't fill your little bastard child with false hope that he's gonna win some 1 in 1,000,000,000 luckshot and get the riches and spoils that go along with it. It's not going to happen, so don't make him go crying his head off after getting shot back down into reality. Seriously, it's just fucking cruel.


"But I am different. I want it more than anyone."

Boo-fn-hoo. Keep crying you little wuss. Let me enjoy the sweet nectar of your tears as you realized life has just kicked you in the balls. Now go eat your cabbage water dinner. And if you're so damn poor that your 4 grandparents have to share the same bed, why the hell are you wasting money on candy bars? How about regular food, the electric bill, or fixing the holes in your floor. You're poor, you suck.

As for Charlie winning the ticket. I call bullshit on that one. I HAVE to call bullshit on that. He's got his place in life for a reason. You can't fuck up the order of society and ruin my climb to the top. Besides, I have to have someone to serve my fries at the drive-thru.

Next.....why the hell do none of the parents in this movie not discipline their kids??? Not one backhand and a shut your fucking trap!! This is crap! If I had a kid who talked to me like that, I'd jerk his head backwards by the hair and kick him in the spine. Paralysis works wonders when it comes to disciplinary issues.

Finally...this is what has creeped me out the most. This whole candyman thing at the beginning.

This motherfucker screams pedophile more than anything I've ever seen in my life. And that includes every episode of Barney ever made. Are you fucking serious? Someone actually thought it was a good idea to leave their kids alone with this freak...do you hate your kids?

What amazes me is this guy is actually free. I could safely bet money there's some kind of hidden rape room in that store. I think the dark chocolate candybar on the top is a secret door switch. Try a Wonkascrumpdiddlyumptious.....yeah that's code word you sick bastard.

The "golden ticket" is nothing more than a grandpass to get your kid butt-plugged. Have fun thinking about that mom and dad.