Thursday, February 19, 2009

Taco Bell Perseverance


Ok, so last night the woman gets home and we decide to get something to eat. No, she doesn't have a name...I just call her the woman. So anyways, we're trying to figure out where the fuck to go that can follow along with this diet thing she's on right now. Which when you read the paperwork, it fucking translates to you can eat NOTHING. How the fuck are you going to tell someone they can eat a hamburger without the bun?
Anyways.....being the greedy fuck I am, I decide on Taco Bell. I figure I'll end up with something I like, and she can get one of those attempts at salads they make. Don't get me wrong....I love Taco Bell, but they've never been known for their health food. It's simply a compromise in this case.
So we get there, and I'm stuck looking over the menu for something that looks appealing. This time happened to be that rut you run across cause they'll have something really kick ass on the menu for a month or so, and when they pull it, you're stuck with this deer in the headlights look. Why they can't just keep good shit on their fucking menu amazes me. I pondered the double beef cheesy whatever the fuck it is, but then remember I've had better microwave shit at a 7-11. I finally have my epiphany....the #6. Supreme chicken muthaphuckin chalupa!!! It's fucking perfect. The woman decides on a chicken fiesta salad piece of shit and we're set. Then we get the ultimate buzzkill........."I'm sorry, but we're out of chicken......"
You're fucking what?!?!?!!? What did you just say to me you worthless minimm wage drive-thru whore of a human? How the fuck do you not have chicken at a fucking Taco Bell?!?!?!?? I'll murder your fucking family for fucking with my emotions like this!! This is something in life that should never happen. I would never expect to walk into a Chinese Kitchen or Panda Express and be told they have no more dog to make their food with. That proceeds to turn my "Taco Bell sounds good for dinner" into a fucking craving now. We have to settle on Bush's Chicken instead.
So being the stupid prick I am, I can't leave this unsettled. The woman gets home today from work, and again the what should we eat moment comes up. Obvious choice......Taco Bell. It's NOT fucking possible to be out of chicken two nights in a row. We get there, and it's euphoric.....like they wanted to make up for their sins. The chick in the drive-thru is rediculously nice to us when we order. Same exact order. This time, it's fake authentic supremacy! We pull up, and it's like something in a commercial. We're greeted by an authentic Mexican with a shit ass accent who gladly confirms my order and swipes my card. It almost bring me to fucking tears. We pull up to the next window and angels float around the drive-thru whore while she hands us the bag of fake authentic Mexican food goodness. Now I'm home and enjoying my cheesy chickeny goodness while listening to Killswitch Engage. Yes, I said chickeny, and it's now a work. Fuck you.