Friday, September 4, 2009

Nick vs Panda Express Begins

Ok, so there's a lot of people who are aware with my bitch with Panda Express. If you're going to put panda in your name, and put images of pandas all over the fucking place, you better serve those fucks on the menu! Do they? No. Not a single fucking time. This is becoming complete bullshit in my opinion. pandaexpressI want to know what panda tastes like next to sesame chicken and egg drop soup, and these assholes keep fucking teasing me with it. So I've decided instead of just ranting about it on Twitter all the time, I should address this issue directly with them. I've received a ton of positive response to my criticism, so I thought it was the right thing to do. I will be attempting a diplomatic approach first.
I am going to make every attempt to be an adult and be professional about this. I think a major company like this will see the error of their ways, and either remove the panda from their branding, or put one of those fat fucks in a wok and slap a shitload of teriyaki on it!!
As soon as I receive a response on this matter, I'll make sure to post it here immediately along with any response from me if needed. If they don't respond, I'll happily do a follow up with them on this.
To whom it may concern,
I'm contacting you in regards to a concern and disappointment I've experienced with your franchise. Let me start by saying I have been a customer at your establishments here since they first opened, and have been more than pleased with the food and level of service I have received each and every time. However, there is an issue that I find quite pressing.
When your first location opened here, I must admit I was a bit shocked. I've had Chinese food numerous times in my life, and have tried to be open to try different things. I was a bit hesitant at first at the thought of eating panda for the first time in my life. I have never heard of this as a standard delicacy, but who am I to question what someone in a third world country might serve at the dinner table? If you're hungry, then you're hungry. You can't be one to complain about the meal in front of you when you're poor I suppose. So although I have not run across this on any menu, I thought I could give it the benefit of the doubt and get some panda on my plate.
I must admit, I have been rather disappointed thus far. My first visit supplied me with no panda. Actually, every visit has provided me with no tasty panda to bite into. At first, I thought with it being the main attraction, it must be in high demand and certainly on short supply. I encountered this issue the following few times I chose to dine at your fine establishment. After this, my frustration began to grow. I have been to two locations, and attended numerous times of the day to eliminate the "it's too late in the evening to catch some grilled panda" situations. I continued to try regardless, and have nothing with heartache. I even asked an employee there once if they have ever served panda, in which I got a quick reply of no as she turned back to serve my helping of mushroom chicken.
So far, your blatant advertising and exploitation of pandas has me quite frustrated. I go to your establishment and see "Panda Express" clear as day. That should be an obvious indication of what you cook and serve correct? I don't go to Burger King with the expectation of buying a burrito. I walk inside, and there are images of cute little pandas spread out all over the place. As I sit there staring at the plate with no grilled panda on it, they sit there taped to the walls staring at me, taunting me.
At this point, this has become completely unacceptable! I demand you either start serving panda on your menu right alongside the chicken and beef, or remove the panda images and verbiage from your company name and advertising and logos and halt this obvious false advertising. If needed, I'll rip one of those fuzzy bastards out of a tree and beat him on the head so he's unconscious and you can stick him in the oven.
This situation deserves some kind of immediate resolution, and I await your response.