Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year From The Fn Icon

It's that time to ring in 2011, and I thought I'd throw out a few nice things to say to all my readers and loyal fans....


May your cup overflow with the best of beers, and may your shot glass be filled with the coldest of Jager.  Then let's hope the next morning the hangover doesn't keep you from making it to the store for a Plan B pill while you try to remember the name of the girl passed out in your bed.


May you, if it's your thing, smoke the finest of the kush.  And then beat the shit out of that one asshole who thinks they can randomly show up and smoke for free.  Bitch you better chip in.


May you have success in your financial endeavors.  We all know that dick head boss isn't going to promote you anytime soon, so you might as well go find something else.  Or, go sell crack to kids.  They're impressionable enough to get hooked quickly, and it's a tax free business.


May your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, never in want.  I'm fucking with ya!  Take what you can get bitch.  If they were dumb enough to lose it, they didn't deserve it.  


May your days and nights be healthy.  You don't know where that girl has been, and you don't want it to burn when you pee.  Remember, it's not about curing it.....


May you have happiness and joy.  We all know your girl is out screwing around to anyone who so much as smiles, but ignorance is bliss.


May the angels watch over you.  You're a fucking loser and could really use the extra help.


May you have youthful excitement at lifes simple pleasures,  Like that moment you hear "the baby isn't yours" and you dance like you're on an episode of Maury.


And finally, may you not drink so much you wake up and realize you're this fucker.....