Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Fucking with Samsung chat support

Yes, I got bored again.  I wanted to know when Samsung planned on releasing Android 2.3 for my phone, so I hit up the Samsung chat support team for some info.  Unfortunately I didn't get the first chat copied with Stella which was mildly entertaining, so I decided to go for round 2 for humor.  Enjoy!


Chat Information Please wait for a Samsung Agent to respond.
Chat Information You are now chatting with 'Vick'. There will be a brief survey at the end of our chat to share feedback on my performance today.
Chat Information Your Issue ID for this chat is LTK4380747712X
Vick: Hi, thank you for contacting Samsung Technical Support. How may I help you today?
Visitor: Hi Vick....how are you?
Visitor: Your first name isn't Michael is it?
Vick: Hi, I'm fine.  
Vick: Please go ahead with your question regarding your Samsung mobile phone.
Visitor: Ok, awkward. Anyways.....
Visitor: You're familiar with the Samsung Epic 4G I'm assuming?
Vick: I'm sorry, we are not authorized to share our personal information.
Vick: Yes. Please go ahead with your question regarding EPIC?
Visitor: Ok, here's the deal. I want the 2.3 update.
Visitor: I mean WANT it. Real bad...like a fat kid eyeballing a cake.
Visitor: You can see my level of desperation right?
Vick: I understand that you would like to know the information regarding the Android 2.3 upgrade on the handset, am I correct ?
Visitor: Well yes, as it would be socially unacceptable to put it in my pants as opposed to my phone :D
Visitor: Now here's the problem.....
Visitor: You guys haven't rolled it out yet, which makes me sad.
Visitor: Being a grown man and crying over a phone update doesn't get me many dates.
Vick: Thank you for confirming.
Visitor: I'm guessing you've never done this, so you may not be able to relate.
Vick: I apologize for the inconvenience.
Visitor: Now what I need to know, is when is Samsung releasing this to Sprint, then to us so I'm a happy fat kid with my cake.
Visitor: Errrr.....gingerbread in this case.
Vick: I'm sorry. Unfortunately, as of now there is no official information on the release date of the Android 2.3/Gingerbread from Samsung and you will be notified by the carrier and in the Samsung website when/if the update is released. We are unable to speculate when/if a software revision might be available due to the fact that this might lead to inaccurate information and confusion.
Visitor: Ok, here's my next question.....
Visitor: You have 2.3 out for the Nexus S 4G, which is basically the same exact thing as the Epic.
Visitor: So why not just roll it on out.
Vick: Sure. Please go ahead.
Visitor: Make us all happy :D
Visitor: I want to do cartwheels in my excitement Vick......help me, help you with my cartwheels.
Vick: Please accept my sincere apologizes, I would have surely helped you if I had the information.
Visitor: Do you not find it wrong that they would taunt is with it on one phone, but not the other?
Vick: Should this become available, it will be posted on our website in the Samsung Download Center.
Visitor: I'm smelling the frosting on the cake, and I can't grab it.....
Visitor: Ok, let's make a deal. I have an idea.
Visitor: I'll make you a Gingerbread cookie and mail it to you there. You lovingly roll it up in a nice APK file and shoot it over to my phone with the love in your heart.
Visitor: How does that sound?
Visitor: I'll even make an extra Gingerbread cookie for you to enjoy.
Visitor: You do like Gingerbread cookies right?
Visitor: I'll cut them out to look like 2 dogs fighting Vick.....
Visitor: Or maybe even a falcon or an eagle.
Visitor: Caw!! Caw!!
Visitor: See....bird sounds.
Visitor: I'm trying to work with you here.
Visitor: Vick?
Vick: I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.
Visitor: What about my offer.
Visitor: This isn't an inconvenience. Inconvenience is realizing your girlfriend bought large condoms when you only fit a medium.
Visitor: So are we going to be left out in the cold, staring through the window in desperation while the happy kids play with Gingerbread?
Vick: Please be professional to continue the chat.
Vick: I would be forced to close the chat, if you use continue using profanity.
Vick: Just to confirm, do you have any technical questions for me?
Visitor: You're right.....I'm sorry. Mentioning a girlfriend is vulgar.
Visitor: Yes, I'm still wondering what I'm supposed to do about my super phone.
Visitor: Your ads stated this as the best phone on the market, but I can't get Gingerbread :(
Visitor: See....sad face.
Vick: I'm sorry. As referred there is no information regarding the same.
Visitor: Regarding Gingerbread or my girlfriend who doesn't measure first?
Visitor: I mean I told her it was cold outside....
Vick: Do you have any technical questions on Samsung Mobile devices?
Visitor: Yes, when is 2.3 being released? I heard it's awesome!!!!!
Vick: I am sorry, we do not have information on the release date  of Android 2.3.
Vick: Once it  is released it will be posted on website.
Visitor: I'm sad. Can I have a hug? :(
Vick: As it is going to be new and latest version, you can enjoy the features of Android 2.3
Visitor: Ok so you are releasing it!!!! When should I expect it for my Epic!?!?!?!?!?
Vick: There is on specific release date for the update. Should this become available, it will be posted on our website in the Samsung Download Center.
Visitor: *knock knock*
Visitor: No wait, no should it become available.
Visitor: You just promised me I'd be able to Vick.
Visitor: Now you're sounding sketchy
Vick: Yes. You may install the update when it is released.
Visitor: So you're promising me with all certainty that you will roll out 2.3 for the Epic?
Visitor: And if I have to call Mr Sansungasaki he can vouch for this......
Visitor: Pinky promise me it will be released Vick.
Visitor: Pinky promise me for all the hungry kids in Ethipoia.
Vick: I'm sorry. I see that the update might be released to install and use on your phone.
Visitor: We just went from will be to might be.
Visitor: Vick you're tryin to circle jerk me here....
Visitor: I even offered to bake you a cookie.
Vick: As referred earlier, as of now there is no official information on the release date of the Android 2.3/Gingerbread from Samsung.
Visitor: But you just told me I will be able to enjoy the awesomesauce features, and now you're being an indian giver.
Vick: I apologize for the confusion. We are unable to speculate when/if a software revision might be available due to the fact that this might lead to inaccurate information and confusion.
Visitor: Vick, I hate you now. You've broken my heart, and I take back my offer on the cookie.
Vick: I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.
Vick: Please accept my sincere apologizes, I would have surely helped you if I had the information.
Visitor: You've broken my heart. How do you plan on fixing that?????
Visitor: Is this how you treat everyone? Get their hopes up, then shove them away?
Vick: I'm sorry. Do you have any technical questions for me?
Visitor: Yes, can I have your girlfriend in exchange for the Gingerbread update?
Visitor: That would be a fair trade.
Chat Information Chat session has been terminated by the Samsung Agent.