Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Icon for Fn President!

After much thought, and a ton of encouragement, I've decided to put my name in for office of the President of the United States of America. Let's face it, the regime of politicians we have these days sucks. They don't know shit, and can barely manage to wipe their own asses as opposed to running the country.

I don't concern myself with the politically correct bullshit and the old ways of doing things. Time to let a Fn Icon do the damn job.

Now, a bit of a quick trip through the platform. More updates to come along. Feel free to shoot over any questions you have.....

Political Party:
Unaffiliated (i think for myself, not for the group)

Personally, I’m not a fan.  I figure it this way....if you’re gonna fuck, you accept the good and the bad.  You assholes that have a frequent stabber card at the local free clinic need to get cut off and be responsible for your choices in life.  “Well I don’t like condoms” ….great...I don’t like supporting your kids with my tax dollars.  If you’re too much of a fucking idiot to get on the pill or use a rubber then suck it up and take your responsibilities.  If this is going to be an issue being an unexpected mommy/daddy, go jerk off more.  Problem solved.  This one is getting struck down except in limited circumstances:

Rape - No way I’m making a chick carry a kid after that happening.  Might as well slap her in the face and rape her again if you think it’s a good idea.

Incest - This is just as fucked up as rape, and then some.  No way I’d make her birth her own sister, etc.  And upon conviction of the crime itself, cut his fucking dick off.

Well being of the mother - We're not going to force a woman to carry a child full term if it could potentially kill her due to an existing medical issue.

Drugs - Crack babies don't deserve that shit.  This is a one time only pass.  Once that first abortion is performed, there will be a required ripping out of any parts to get her pregnant again.

Civil Rights:

Wait, we’re still debating this topic?  What are we a population of backwoods rednecks wearing overalls and praising the Klan?  This topic is dead.  Silence all the idiots who are against it, and all those “get me on TV and pay me to fight for a cause I’m really trying to divide people on so I can on TV” who piss me off.

Why is it all states don’t have a 3 strikes rule?  If some jackass is going to commit that many crimes, do you really think they’ll stop?  In my totally made up book of stats, the answer is no.  And as for that juvenile record sealed bullshit, if it’s related to a current crime you commit, it counts.  Fuck you.

*blank stare*
Ok, I’m cool with some drugs.  As for pot, yeah, I’d legalize it.  And no, I won’t be that dickwad who swears he never touched it to get into office.  I’ve smoked a TON of that shit!  Make it legal, grow it all in Wyoming and Montana since there’s nothing else happening in those states, and tax it.  There’s more tax revenue in, Mexico gets pissed cause their drug cartels lose cash, and I’ll be fucked up plenty.  Of course, there’s rules to everything:

Must be 21 or older
No driving under the influence
Sales is prohibited to anyone with a felony
The list would go on......

Where’s my bong?

Energy & Oil:
Yes, we need oil.  No, we will not attempt to convert the whole country to those shitty little smart cars.  I hate those things.  People who drive them should get their asses kicked.  I’ll shut down the EPA and start drilling on any coast we can find that shit.  Once we’re back to relying on ourselves for oil, I’ll be the first on TV telling Saudi Arabia to go fuck themselves.

Foreign Policy:
This is the United States.  I take pride in that.  I’ll NEVER kiss some other county’s ass.  Yes, we will make decisions based on our own best interest.  If you don’t like it, kiss my ass.  If you attack us, you won’t get a bunch of elevator speeches and a 10 year war.  We’ll walk in, fuck up EVERYTHING we can find, and be done with it.

Yes, the borders will be locked and secured.  I have no issue with anyone wanting to become a citizen.  Hell we all imported in to start this thing.  But there is a process.  We allow those who will become productive citizens and live the dream, not some jackass stealing shit and hopping the fence.  As for the process, it takes way too damn long.  It needs to be fully revised and shortened.  And that anchor baby shit....no more.  Do it right, or get the fuck out.

This is something that been beaten and abused more than a chick in a Lifetime movie.  The system was designed to give TEMPORARY assistance to people who lose their job to stay on their feet until they get another job.  It’s turned into a support system making way too many idiots lazy and dependant.  An idea of new guidelines:

Benefits will last for a maximum of one calendar year.  If you can’t find some kind of a fucking job in a year you’re wasting our fucking time.

Mandatory drug testing.  You want the freebie shit in life?  Keep your shit straight.  Can get a job if you’re going to piss dirty anyways.

No out of state or online presence only applications.  Stupid fuck, we know that trick.

If you’re found guilty of a crime, say goodbye to your benefits.

You're not going to be rewarded with free money and benefits for being a lazy douchebag. Period.


  1. Love it!! Can I be your Vice President?

  2. Mnn I got a lot of job openings I'd have to fill. I'm gonna get you something!