Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Say What?


So for my day job, I work a kind of hybrid customer service job for a cell phone company.  I call it hybrid because we don't get the luxury of just a one department, one job role kind of gig.  We are cross skilled to do a lot of EVERYTHING.  Care, tech support, finance and payments, etc.  With any job taking customer calls all day, we get bitched out by total fuckwad idiots daily.  In my job, we get the task of getting cussed out by ALL the fuckwad idiots.  This is normal, and we learn to live with it.  People seem to grow a large set of balls when they're on the phone and don't have to see you person to person, and they rarely stop and think about the stupid shit they blab out before they say it.  It's a job of frequent stupidity, and rare remorse.

Today for example.....
Dude calls about his step daughters phone fucking up for like 6 months.  She just moved in with them recently and is constantly complaining about it locking up, having to have the battery pulled regularly, and the display going blank.  None of this is abnormal really.  It's a low end Samsung Android phone, and those guys suck balls at making software.  Lock ups and the like are pretty common.  The screen blanking did however get my attention.

So anyways, step dad feels obligated to defend the little twerps honor against the evil corporate machine that we are and get her phone replaced!!




Blah blah, 6 months it doesn't work, blah blah give me credits, blah blah blah *ignore anything I say about actually fixing the phone itself and go back to screaming for credits and how we're evil*.  I'll give the guy credit, he went on a customer service rant that he tried to guilt me on that was quite impressive.  It even hit the point of him asking for the names of all the executive board members of our company so he could write them about the horrible service and all the reps that refused to replace the phone over the last 6 months.  And for the record, I have no idea who those guys are which didn't make him happy.  Why would I care who they are?

So anyways, I finally somewhat calm down our ranting little douchebag.  Best option is to make a repair ticket, document all the shit fucking up and preventing her from sending nudes to whatever 2 week boyfriend she has, and get him the fuck to the repair store and off my phone.  Simple, right?

Not so much.  As soon as I go to start the repair ticket, I'm amusingly welcomed by a flag on the line for damaged beyond repair.  This folks is that happy note that means a tech at some point looked at the phone, found out that YOU fucked up and broke shit, and it's not covered under warranty.  This changes things.  This means you get to do that glorious insurance claim cause your idiot step daughter broke it herself.

Now, normally in a situation like this, the first thing they do is blame us.  How the fuck we are the one's who broke the phone I'll never know, but it's the normal reaction.  It's great how no one takes responsibility for their own fuck up.  However, to my astonishment, this wasn't the case.  I'm still in fucking shock over what happened next.

Customer: It's what?

Me: Damaged beyond repair man.  Not covered by manufacturer warranty.  Could be anything like something spilled on it or she broke something inside of it.

Customer: She didn't tell me this......

Me: Sorry guy, that's the problem.  If not for that, they would have just replaced the thing and called it a day.  Might wanna chit chat with her on that one.....

Customer: Son of a........*insert awkward pause here where I thought he would start screaming like a lunatic*..........I'm sorry.

Me:  You what?  Come again?  *there's no fucking way i just heard him say that shit*



Customer:  I'm sorry.  I've been a dick this whole time and she didn't tell me that.

Me:  So uhhhhhh.....still want me to cancel that line since we can't replace it or you wanna do the insurance stuff?  *gulp*

At this point I'm still preparing myself, and the volume button, for a complete hysterical tirade.  This is something that DOES HAPPEN at this point.  Sometimes they just have to build up to it like some great finale.

Customer:  Leave it.  My apologies for everything.  I'm an asshole.

Me:  No worries, we're straight.  Sucks to be her though.....

The call was done, yet I'm still sitting there with a stunned look on my face and my trigger finger still on the volume down key even though there's no one on the other end.  Fucking SHOCKED.  Even my coworkers were stunned at the story I shared.

Who the fuck are you????  You CAN"T be one of our customers!!!!!

This one made my damn day.