Saturday, March 24, 2012

Hello Stupid

Meet Bonnie Miller....she is a fucking moron.

She is a prime example of why you should pay attention to shit while you're texting, despite the idea that we like to pretend everything just moves aside from us.  This is certainly not the case, especially when it comes to a large body of water.  Mrs. Miller was texting someone while walking with her husband and son and in only 3 words went overboard.

"I had set an appointment for the wrong time and so I sent about three words," Miller described.  "Next thing you know it was the water."

Is it really that difficult to stop for a moment, shoot a text off, then walk again?  Perhaps she just shouldn't be allowed to carry a phone anymore.  Regardless, she's now a candidate for jackass of the year.

So yeah, just to save your humility and avoid bodily harm, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION TO SHIT!

And in the spirit of stupidity to keep this post entertaining, here's some videos I found of other assclowns that further prove my point....

Monday, March 19, 2012

The Storm Apocalypse

So apparently they're saying this storm from hell that's rolling in is supposed to have hail and tornadoes nshit.  The weather map says we're screwed.....

If I die, I hate every one of you.  Except the cool people who feed my ego.  You guys rock.  The rest of you can die with a dick in your mouth.

And my last dying thought...Kate Upton and her awesome jiggly titties....
I can die happy now.

The Hastings Car Fire and Bad Priorities (bonus weed smoking CHAMP)

Today is the end of my 3 day weekend, and I haven't done shit productive.  And no, no complaints at all about it.  Kevin gets back from work and the idea of going to the liquor store and video game store is AWESOME.  I finally get out of the house, and I'm going to 2 of my happiest places to be.

So we load up and stop to get smokes where we witnessed a woman with an ass so huge we can't imagine how her chicken legs are physically capable of supporting all the weight.  Sadly, no pics of the oversized ass.

Bounce from there and hit up the parking lot for Game Exchange and we see this huge cloud of smoke up by Hastings.  Natural curiosity hits of course, so we keep driving and see the front of of this car getting ready to light up real nice. 

I tried to be all calm and cool about it.  Act like an adult and all.  But yeah, my reaction upon seeing it was DUDE!!!  GO GO GO GO!!!!

 Now to be a good citizen, I should call 911 first and report this, right?  Yeah not so much.  Priorities kicked in and I decided to take pics and tweet it.

For the record, my ADD kicked in and we never called 911.  I just kept taking pictures and making comparisons to those mayhem commercials that Allstate runs.  Those things make me laugh.  : D

So yeah, fire breaks out in the engine, but the fire department shows up before it hit a gas line and made for a real nice fireworks show.  Never did see the owner of the car the whole time.  After they put it out, they just left the damn car there.  Guess they didn't want it that bad.

So game store trip is done and we decided to make a run back by to see the aftermath.  Honestly I expected it to be towed off and just a cleanup being done.  I guess whoever had this car didn't give a shit about it.

 This barely won out awesome moment of the day.  Had it not happened, buying a bottle of Jager that comes with it's own koozie would have without a doubt.  Be jealous.......this thing is fucking pimp!!!

Oh, random side topic.  Saw this on Tosh.0 when I got home and thought I'd share.  You ain't shit for a weed smoker compared to this guy!!

Friday, March 16, 2012

When You're Glad the Day is Over....

I don't normally have what I'd consider a "shit day".  Sure I have the occasional one off or single crap moment, but generally not a full fucking day.  I guess I should be thankful for that, as it's rare to occur.

First problem, is it's Thursday.  A lot of people are a fan thinking it's almost Friday, it's so close!  Eh...not so much.  Thursday is one big cock tease to Friday.  So close that it gives you a hard on thinking about the weekend, but then you get blue balls realizing that you still have two more days of the week to deal with instead of one.  Sorry to break your happiness and dreams, but it's the damn truth.  It's the calendar's way of saying "you're almost there, but not quite yet you fucking asshole".

So I wake up to this realization and I'm already in a bad mood.  After 30 minutes of arguing with the alarm clock (I really do argue with it), I finally get out of bed.  Clothes decided on to wear, and go to brush my fucking water.  What the fuck???  Turn the knobs back and forth, curse it, and slap it a couple of times.  Nothing...dry....not shit.  Check the door and no notice of an outage or repairs.  Walk around outside and no city crew tearing shit up.  We made the roommate and I have never missed a bill here.  Check the other sinks with the small hope mine died for some unknown reason and NOTHING.

Least I took my shower last night so I could slack off today before work.  Gotta brush my teeth at work, but fuck it, do what I gotta do.

Alright so screw it....move on.  UPS delivery is on schedule for today for the roommate's new phone.  Normally this wouldn't be a concern to me, but we had to deliver it to my parents house because UPS can never manage to read a street name correctly and always leave shit at the neighbors house.  Luckily they seem cool, but it's still a hassle regardless.

So I get to work and think let's just get through with this shit...get it done, go home.   Now last night at work, our entire back section of the building lost network connectivity.  No one knows why yet, so we had the joys of having to sit at other desks.  I got in think that this should be fixed as surely this would take priority?  No, not so much.   We walk in with signs on all the monitors telling us where else to sit.  This should be a petty argument on my part, but I like sitting at my desk.  My chair is perfectly set, the desktop and monitor all set where I like them, and it's my shit there.  I've never been a fan of sitting at some foreign desk with a bunch of shitty decorations all over it, and pics of someone's ugly fucking spouse and ratty ass kids.  Sadly upper management frowns upon me throwing all that shit away so it doesn't have to inconvenience my work vibe.

For the life of me, I'll never understand how some of these assclowns can deal with sitting at these ass fucked up desks every day.  Do they have no house training or cleaning skills?  It sucks when I have to sanitize everything before I can even work.  And no, I didn't attempt to identify anything that was stuck to the keyboard.

Time to follow up with Kevin on the water and UPS delivery.  Turns out the water department fucked up our payment for the second month in a row on their website.  Last month they ran the payment twice.  This month, they didn't post the payment at all which is why it got cut off.  Despite this fuck up on their end as we did the payment online, we're still stuck paying a $50 reconnect fee.  Fuck you city of Hewitt, fuck you right up the goat ass.  Fuck it, water is back on by 4pm.  Gotta remember priorities.

Now problem with the UPS delivery.  Shows left on porch, but my mom took it inside then left for work before he got there.  Normally they leave it outside for me since I can't ever find my key to the house.  Great, now I gotta stop by after work and get it so I won't be home immediately.  OK I can deal with'll give me time to hang with my mom and aunt anyways as I'm not out there much.  Yes I know, don't say it.  I catch enough shit from them.

Carry on through the work day, cursing on and off over having to sit somewhere else......making it through slowly.  I'm then randomly reminded by some chick on the new team I'm on about this pot luck tomorrow.  SHIT!  Forgot about it, which means I'm stopping by the store after work along with my parent's place.  No idea what to bring so I'll just have to wing it.  And yes, I said "some chick".  I don't consider the new team relevant enough to worry about actual names yet.

Night is finally over, errands are done, and I'm in my carport staring at my patio door.  The day is done....I fucking made it!!  Grab the bags from the car and walk up to the door with a smile.  Wait, no, not so simple.  It can't end this easy.....BECAUSE I CAN'T GET IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!!!

Seems Kevin wasn't paying attention and locked the deadbolt on me.  Twist the key back and forth.....nada.  Stare at the lock in an attempt to will the deadbolt to turn...nada.  Yes, I know that's physically impossible to make happen but it's worth a damn shot.  Go around front and that one is locked.  FUCK ME!

The best part of this scenario?  I had to shit.......

Call the roommate once....twice....five damn times.  Jesus fucking shit this dude sleeps through as much shit as I do.  Luckily I finally got him awake after banging on his window like some stalker teenager trying to get laid.

So the day is finally done.  Finally.  I'm home, relaxing on the couch eating dinner, and staring at stupid shit on TV.  This is all I've wanted all day.  At least tomorrow is Friday.....the real Friday.