Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Chic-Fil-A Hates Gays, Gays Now Hate Cock, Chicken Still Tasty



So it's been about a week now that this whole Chick-fil-A hates gay people bullshit broke.  You can't do anything online since where you don't seem some news article on it, or people bitching back and forth about it.

Let's start with one clear disclaimer before you start losing your shit based on whatever side you support.  I don't hate Chick-fil-A, nor do I hate gay people.  Chicken sammiches are tasty as fuck, and lesbians are absolutely amazing.  If I could make a porn movie, it would be a group of lesbians having nasty lesbian sex, then eating grilled chicken club sammiches.  That would make life awesome.



Apparently since the company was founded in 1946, no one fucking realized that a company based on Christian values might actually have opinions in line with those beliefs.  I know, you're as surprised as I am right?  My only personal objection to this belief system being integrated into their business model is that they close on Sunday, which oddly seems to be a day I really want a chicken sammich.  Fucking Christians, this must be an evil ploy on their part.

So about this whole chicken vs gay situation.  On July 2nd, Dan Cathy was interviewed by some newsletter called the Biblical Reporter and part of it was about their support of the traditional family.  Keep in mind he was asked about it, the guy didn't toss it into the middle of some unrelated shit.

"We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that. ... We want to do anything we possibly can to strengthen families. We are very much committed to that," Cathy emphasized. "We intend to stay the course," he said. "We know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles."

So now this opinion is apparently shocking and means that they really want to open up concentration camps to wipe out homosexuals all over the planet.  OK, realistically it doesn't, but this whole situation has blown up to the point where people would easily believe it.

Since all this shit broke and got time to escalated to a fucking stupid level, we're now being subjected to boycotts, protests, and an overload of hash tag use on Twitter that's flooded my timeline so much I can't manage to catch a descent post with a set of tits in it before some civil rights assclown fucks my boner all up.  That, or some right wing nut job quoting scripture over waffle fries that makes me give up hope of rubbing one off.  Now we have today as some official "Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day" which means every location in the country is filled with people buying product to show support.  I have no objection to this normally, except for it making it impossible for me to get anything to eat there as I'm not waiting an hour in line while Jesus Lovin' Pastor Bob argues with Nancy the Angry Lesbian through the window.



Damn both sides of you, damn you right to hell!

I think everyone seems to have forgotten one thing in life.  We're all entitled to a fucking opinion.  Chick-fil-A is entitled to be mad about all the gay people gaying around in their gay pride, and the heads of Chick-fil-A is entitled to keeps their heads in their asses and praise sweet little baby Jesus.  And surprise, no one has to like your opinion.  Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but shut the fuck up and deal with it.  Difference in opinion doesn't mean turn into a nut job like your happy little world is about to end.  

In a small moment of humor, Kevin did point out a funny observation.  Chick-fil-A supposedly hates gay people, but the base of their menu is a fried cock shoved between two warm buns.  How's that for irony?

Back on the porno thought.  I should have the hot lesbians rolling around with the chicken sammiches, and perhaps replacing mud wrestling with Chick-fil-A wrestling.  My boner approves of this.