Monday, October 21, 2013

Random Tech Rants: Instant Messaging

Instant messaging it seems has been around for ages now in one capacity or another although much hasn't changed.  Open app, add friends to make a contact list, shoot messages back and forth.  Instant messaging in my my mind will always hold an advantage over conventional texting for one simple reason - you can give anyone your IM info but not your cell number.  You still maintain a level of privacy and separation.

Something so simple has grown so much thanks to changes in technology, but it seems we still can't fucking manage to get it right.  The user experience attempts to improve, but it seems the biggest challenge it faces is multiple platforms.  It almost seems impossible to make a great full function messaging app, and get it that way for all the platforms (Android, iOS, Windows Phone, Blackberry OS).  Too often you end up with a situation of an app being great on one platform and garbage on another, or so scaled down and basic that it might run great across all of them but lacks the features to be appealing at all.

It irritates the shit out of me to the point I want to punch small infants.

BBM from Blackberry seems to hold the standard for one of the best IM apps made so far, although it was only for Blackberry devices.  It's got features across the board to keep everyone happy, and the UI was pretty simple but still looked good.  It's finally today launched to Android and iPhone but it's yet to determine if it's worth even using.  There was one not long ago called Live Messenger which worked on all 3 platforms that were standard at the time and was very complete, but then the devs just stopped working on it randomly and seemed to have bailed.  They finally rolled out an update or two after some time which appeared to break more than it added, but by then it had been dormant for so long everyone stopped using it.  Sad considering it was a pretty solid app.  There's some others that have come out since like Kik and WhatsApp which aren't bad, but generally run across the two main issues mentioned previously.  

Will there actually be a solid cross-platform app?  Who knows since you're looking at some rather annoying hurdles on each platform.

iOS:  The most uptight and easy to reject platform on the market today.  They're been known to reject an app based on not liking a color scheme or icons.  The upside is you're looking at about the least amount of OS fragmentation to deal with and a very large user base to go with it.  There's also a simplicity in the low amount of various models they release making compatibility challenges much less.

Android:  Probably the largest user base globally, but fragmentation is your worst enemy considering you've still got active devices as far back as Gingerbread.  Not only are you fighting fragmentation, but you're also dealing with so many different devices/manufacturers that fixing compatibility issues is a bitch and supporting all devices at least standard by OS is impossible.  We have to look at supporting the phone, and the tablets, and the Google TV's, the Nexus Q's, Chromecast, etc.  That's not even all the Android based devices that you have to consider support for based on the product you're making.  That's not even counting custom ROMS either which many devs leave on a "it works or it won't we don't care" basis.

Blackberry OS:  Possibly the biggest annoyance of all the platforms.  They still have a pretty good amount of users if you look at global numbers, but you're still stuck serving two opposite OS platforms between normal Blackberry OS (7 and prior) and Blackberry 10.  Blackberry's biggest struggle with them is they're still selling way more legacy devices with the old OS they want to abandon than the current one.  The few new OS customers get the sacred blessing, but there isn't many.  The legacy OS customers still own the market share but Blackberry has essentially abandoned them as much as they can.  Besides this, no one even knows if Blackberry will stay running or shut down completely at this point.  Blackberry devs were happy to see BB10 launch as it gave them a much more capable OS than they ever saw before, but many are hesitant to even put forth time into it now.

Windows Phone:  People actually use this?  Yes, I have to ask that, and that's certainly an indication of how much support they're going to get.  The new OS from Microsoft certainly isn't bad, but it's still so new that you can't consider it as a solid long term investment.  They started slowly getting momentum when they launched WP7, but then almost restarted themselves with the difference in OS after the launch of WP8.  Now Microsoft is damn near starting from scratch and the only all in manufacturer is still Nokia who hasn't been a major player in the US market in ages.  The international market is still controlled by Android and iOS.

So is this all just a pipe dream for me and I need to stop hoping?  Yes probably.  It has come pretty damn close though before, so if you get a dev or company with enough backing or resources it's certainly manageable if they put forth the effort.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Fuck You Monday

I hate going to work on Mondays.  It seems to have a way of always fucking up a seemingly normal routine in the morning when I get in, and introducing some nice bit of absolute fuckery for me to deal with.  My routine itself is pretty simple...

  1. Walk into the office and clock in (usually 5-7 minutes late cause I'm gangsta like that)
  2. Immediately walk back outside after clocking in so I can smoke because I'm not quite ready to admit that I'm actually here and have to eventually do some kind of actual work.
  3. Make breakfast (Cocoa Puffs or Cinnamon Toast Crunch depending on my mood) and coffee and let this process take as long as possible.  Again, the whole delaying having to work part.
  4. Finally make it to my desk and log in to my computer, launch 100 applications on two monitors, and hope like hell nothing stupid is waiting for me.
  5. Immediately open up Google+, Facebook, and Twitter so I can ignore any real work and get paid to fuck off all day instead.
  6. Look at inbox and see some unread messages, promptly ignore them so I can open YouTube and watch stupid cat videos instead.
  7. Scratch my balls.
  8. By 9 AM, do a few actual work things that are easy so it looks like I'm doing something.

Today however did not afford me the luxury of a normal start.  Upon coming back from my smoke break and starting breakfast, I'm notified that there's a ton of emails about users having issues in the system.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck you.  Thanks.  Luckily it wasn't quite a ton, but enough to actually make me work and keep my attention from all my other morning amusements.  I did still take time to scratch my balls cause I'm a guy and we do that shit.

Although finally addressed, fixed, and all users notified to proceed, this joyous fuckery to start my day did keep my attention for a good hour or more and has not put a smile on my face.  Apparently my schedule is kind of known as even Brenda was wondering where the fuck I was hiding.

What a fucking start to the day ain't it?  At least now it's calmed down and I'm back to fucking off on Twitter as usual.

At least the weekend was nice and lazy after getting that whole stomach bug last week and losing my voice.  Whoever gave me that shit, you can go fuck yourself and die in a fire.  Painfully and slowly.  And while you're dying in said fire, hear nothing but songs from Pop Evil in the background cause those guys suck horribly.  Let me put it this way....the human body is simply not designed for simultaneous and violent diarrhea and vomiting.  The amount of twisting and torquing on the body simply isn't natural, and hurts like hell.  I know that isn't a nice mental image to have now, but fuck you cause I don't care.  I spent all of Thursday stuck in the bathroom praying for death and it didn't happen.  This was almost as bad as being forced to listen to Pop Evil.  Almost.  And whoever originally had the idea to line up the toilet and bathtub side by side was a fucking genius and probably caught this shit too.

But yes, weekend was good otherwise.  I sat around being lazy, not talking to save what was left of my voice, and playing World of Warcraft basically all weekend.  I play that because I hate people and social interaction so it allows me to hibernate and ignore them, and apparently I also don't want a girlfriend or sex life either.  It all kind of ties together it seems.'s something that sad.
On the bright side of all the time playing, I did manage to run enough random heroics to stack up heirloom pieces for a shadow priest I want to level up, and ran some LFR's finally (I've been putting off the raiding stuff for some reason).  Score there!

I'm never getting laid again.  I should have never turned my account back on.  You know what's really fucked up though?  Back in the days with the ex wife (yes this really happened once) I played, and she absolutely HATED it.  I'll admit I spent a good amount of time on there, but still spent time with her.  Most of the time I was on she wasn't even awake since I worked a totally different shift, or I'd play while she was out doing shit.  Anyways, constantly bitched and bitched about it.  I tried a few times to get her to try it and see if there was a mutual interest and she declined each time out of pure hatred for it.  Who the fuck is playing now?   Yeah.  God dammit.  I cuss her out usually once a week for all the shit she gave me for it.

The weekend wasn't all WoW though.  I did manage to get in some college football Saturday when my DirecTV service wasn't cutting out from the fucked up storms we had roll in.  Luckily the Texas game ended well before that shit rolled through so I didn't miss the miracle against Oklahoma (no one gave them a chance to win including me) but it did get stopped on and off for an hour or so during the Boise State game.

And thank you Dallas Cowboys for winning!!  You guys don't look half bad right now, although I'm still in recovery from the epic loss to Denver last week.  I know it's Peyton and all that, but fucking really?  You plays like BEASTS until the very last game.  Fuck you Romo.

There are 3 things in life that are absolutely certain:
  1. Death
  2. Taxes
  3. Romo will fuck up a big game in the clutch no matter how great he played until then by throwing an INT
It's fucking true.  He does this every time.  He's not a bad QB by any means.  Hell look at his stats.  This ALWAYS happens though.  We already lose enough games due to lack of real talent on the team, but this shit is heartbreaking.  At least we don't suck as bad as the Steelers and Giants this year.

Oh well, back to work.  I'm stuck having to do something productive for a bit.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Random Rambling on Society as a Whole

I've noticed today that I've been unusually more bitchy than normal, and pretty much everything has irritated the fuck out of me.  I think this is probably that man-period thing starting.  I need to mark it on my calendar so I know when my cycle starts.

If you clicked this link in hopes of reading something intelligent, I apologize in advance.  If you're dumb enough to keep reading knowing in advance this is all stupid rambling of shit in my head right now, that's your fuck up and not my fault.

Men are no longer men
I posted this pic earlier.  It's beyond true.
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When I ponder this, it's quite possible that in my not so old age I've already become too old fashioned.  I'm in my mid 30's now, and the cultural gap is ridiculous.  When I was a kid, you were raised by a man and raised to act like a man.  If you fuck up, be a man and own up to it.  Don't act like a bitch, and damn sure dress like one.

Can someone please beat the fuck out of Lil Wayne for me?  This skinny jeans trend is bullshit, and I put a lot of blame on him.  It might not really be his fault, but being a rapper and wearing shit like that isn't acceptable.  Men shouldn't wear shit like that...ever.

Who came up with the concept of these emo and scene kids?  When did it become acceptable for men to become complete pussies all of a sudden?  Get a haircut, stop putting on eyeliner, and for fucks sake stop acting like a punk ass and crying about everything.

Crybaby case in point, I present to you....Drake.

Parents suck, so stop having kids
This is a statistic I'm totally pulling out of my ass, but I'd safely say at least 60% of parents these days should never have been allowed to breed.  You completely suck as parents.  Your content with being an idiot and in turn raising your kids to be complete idiots.  If you're so unhappy with the fact you got knocked up and having a kid is inconveniencing your style of living, then you should have considered not being a whore in the first place and closed your damn legs.

Congratulations, you're a parent now.  It's time to grow the fuck up and act like one and try setting a good example for your kids.

For the record: As a parent, getting those new Jordan's should never come before paying rent of buying diapers.  Ladies, get the fuck out of the club every damn night.  Go read to your kid instead of twerking.  Men, you're a dad now.  That doesn't mean run for the hills when you find out she's pregnant.  Act like the man you swear up and down you are.

Your deep thoughts are not that deep.
At some point when you wanted to have a deep and thoughtful conversation with someone, the concept of ending every sentence with "ya heard" "ya feel me" and "know what im sayin" came into effect.  Apparently this became a standard to use on any sentence to keep you from sounding like a total fucktard.

"I fuck chickens with no lube and give a reach around to my mom cause she really has a dick ya heard ya feel me?"  That sounds deep and intelligent right?  No, not really.

After too many hours of annoyance on Facebook and Instagram and seeing screenshots of dipshit conversations, this works to charm women as well.  And they wonder how they end up with 10 kids by different guys and their asses are still single.

Hell I went to school with majority of the people I see doing this daily, and we know damn well you're forcing this complete idiocy.

Every time I see dumbass shit like this, I instantly picture them to just be Gucci Mane because that bastards never makes any sense.  Seriously, what dumb shit tats an ice cream cone on his fucking face?!?!?!

How high do you have to be for this to be a good idea?

Which leads me to....

Have we given up on education and talking like we have one?
It absolutely amazes me how so many people are content with talking completely ignorant?  I know you made it past the 3rd grade, but there are 3rd graders who can hold a more intelligent conversation than you can ever hope to accomplish.

My niece is like 4 or 5 (yes I always forget shit like that) and we can have smoother verbal exchanges than many people my own age.  This is a girl who can get stuck mentally in mid sentence and just freeze while thinking about what she was saying, or her ADD kicks in and she completely changes topic on me.  She's still smarter than you are.

When did being gay become trendy?
Let me first clarify, I have nothing against gay people.  Let's not confuse that.  What confuses me is how being gay, mostly with the younger generations, has become trendy and a status symbol?  Half these kids you see running around claiming they're gay and shoving dicks in their mouths left and right just 2 weeks ago were trying to finger bang any whore that gave them 5 minutes of attention.  It seems more like claiming you're gay is done to make you cool instead of it being an actual sexual preference.  Shit most of the people I see this shit with are too fucking young to even be worrying about that anyways.  What happens when you change your mind again?  It took getting railroaded by 30 cocks in the ass and then you decided you're straight?

How many of these kids running around saying they're gay just to get the cool social status of being gay have actually done gay shit?  You wanna claim it, step up and go get pounded in the corn hole you little bastard.  Is there any kind of actual initiation to be certified as gay, or do they just take your word for it?

I can't wait to see the legit gay people beat the fucks out of em for stealing their thunder.

I hate selfies.
It's the evil that created the duck face, and confirmed that most women can't clean their fucking mirrors to save their lives.  Every time I see a woman do that duck face shit I wonder "Is that what that bitch looks like when she sucks a dick?  Probably."

Yes, the dick goes right there...

And please PLEASE clean your mirror before you bust the camera out.  It looks like you sneezed all over the fucking thing.  Is a bottle of Windex and a paper towel really that difficult to use?

Fuck sinuses.  Fuck them fuck them fuck them!
Have I made it obvious that I hate my sinuses?  I swear majority of the sinus meds you can buy OTC are completely worthless.  I wake up every morning and it's like my head anticipates me getting out of bed so it can blow a load like some preteen who just busted his first nut cause his teacher bent over.  How is it with all the damn advances in technology and modern medicine there's no cure for this?????

Having a social media account of any type does not make you a political expert.
Yes, the government is still shut down.  And yes, this is a major catastrophe which realistically hasn't impacted your life in any way but you still need to bitch about it.  Since you have an account on Facebook, or Twitter, or whatever else you are now a certified political genius and a patriot!

No, you're not.  Please shut up.  Everyone has taken to posting about blame Republicans this, blame Democrats that.  It's always the other groups fault because of the shutdown.

Have you ever stopped to think for a moment that both sides have caused shutdowns, and are only against it when the other guys do it to them?  They like being able to do it, as they done it for decades now.  If it was such an issue and they were so against it, they would have changed the loopholes that allow them to do it in the first place.

And no, Jesus won't stop the shutdown either.  Nor is it due to them not being as big of a Jesus supporter as you are.

Side Note:  The funniest people you know are probably in a metal band.

End users are all idiots, and I want to throw things at them.
I know I repeat myself with this daily, but it's true.  I hate them, and I don't get paid near enough to deal with the fuckery every day.  Users are idiots, and this is a certain truth we can't escape.  None of them know how to do their jobs, or are too lazy to do it themselves and expect to be able to dump it on someone else to do.  This is especially true if they get paid any type of commission and said work doesn't directly relate to their paycheck, even if they are the primary service person for the account.  I will not do your jobs.

One thing users need to realize about me or any other person in any type of support or help desk position.  We can fix your issue with the system, but we can't fix your stupidity or inability to do your job correctly.  Or to be able to figure out the big blue E is the icon for Internet Explorer.
This makes me smile...
+Brenda had Pop-Tart crumbs fall down her shirt today.
Thank you for that moment.

Miley and her tongue.
Does Miley Cyrus have some type of physical condition or fuck-up that causes her tongue to be permanently stuck hanging out of her mouth?  I kinda got the idea she did it a lot initially cause she wanted to break out of her shell or the image she had (cause she wasn't a whore already or something) but this shit is getting creepy.  This bitch walks around with it dangling out licking every damn thing you put in front of her.  Is it OK to just throw random shit at her to lick at this point like she's some kind of circus animal?

As much as Miley does suck--or licks--her creepy ass Wrecking Ball video has officially been redeemed thanks to the interwebz.

This month we're supposed to be aware of boobs...or something.
So cancer sucks nshit.  Boobs are pretty awesome.  OK, the nice looking ones, not the old saggy beat to shit looking tits.  We don't care about those.  So save them or something.

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I'm gonna go back to looking like I'm working now so I don't get fired or whatever.